Miss Texas

By Angela Gant


I am so glad you asked that question.  What would I do if I became Miss Texas?  Well first of all…I would strive to end world Hungary.  I think it all starts in that country, you know, Hungary.  I would go talk to them personally, and tell them they need to quit bringing all that hungry on…’cause it’s affecting the world in a bad, bad way.  I mean it’s like really bad.  Like on that advertisement for the Christian Children’s’ Fund.  If you look at Sally Struthers it looks like she ate it all, but it I go and talk to them about all the hungry they’re causing, and I’m sure they’ll understand, and they’ll quit whatever they’re doing to cause it.  I mean they’re Americans just like us, right?  I mean we always do the right thing and win.  I watched the last Olympics.  That’s what it’s all about.  Right?

(A ripping fart is heard from behind DENISE.)

I done know you didn’t.  I mean, I know you didn’t.  That wasn’t me if you heard that.  You want know what I have learned from the Miss Texas Pageant?  I have learned that people are rude, and they will rip your dress.  Not to mention any names, but ain’t that right…Chinqua?  I mean, I’m not naming or anything.  I’m just saying.  Don’t you even pretend like that was me.

(Regaining composure.)

Anyway I would end world hungry, and start world peace.  I think it all starts with the world.  So I would call everybody and tell them they need to quit acting up like that.  That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.  And it’s gonna start with you, Chinqua.  We gonna make peace just like we did in the Revolutionary War?  Ain’t that, right?  I said, ain’t that, right?  That’s what I thought.  Thank you all.

(DENISE exits the stage and flips the girl behind her the “finger”.)