By Angela Gant
Cast of Characters
ALPHA FEMALE (Elizabeth)—The oldest and strongest female.
ALPHA MALE (Jason)—The strongest and oldest male; he rules by fear, money, or stature. He often cheats on his wife with the Outside Female.
SUBORDINATE FEMALE (Kate)—The most headstrong and outspoken of the women.
SECOND BANANA (Charlie)—The homosexual step-brother of the Alpha Male who is always striving to move up.
ADOLESCENT FEMALE (Jessie)—A cheerleader-type of adolescent; she is not very bright, but her father’s favorite.
ADOLESCENT MALE (Isaac)—An awkward teenager who has few social skills; he is often spurned by Alpha Male.
OUTSIDE FEMALE (Mary)—The other woman. She is an ethnicity other than Caucasian.
OUTSIDE MALE (Austin)—The sometime-lover of Second Banana. He is an ethnicity other than Caucasian.
FIELD SCIENTIST—A male scientist studying different classes of primates. A cross between Jane Goodall and Mutual of Omaha.
JANE—Female assistant to the Field Scientist who does the Field Scientist’s grunt work and the tagging of the animals. She interacts with the subjects throughout the play, and is always on stage.
Setting:
Time: Present.
Place: The set should be sparse and have minimal elements of the lower, middle, and upper classes, which can be removed.
Costume Note: The Field Scientist and Jane change costumes with the other characters, and are always dressed appropriately for the class changes found within the play.
Playwright’s Note: Jane “tags” some the characters throughout the play by shooting them with a dart gun and placing an obnoxious tag over their ear that is worn throughout the rest of the play.
Act I
(As the scene opens, all characters are in their underwear, including the FIELD SCIENTIST, who is in his underwear and sporting a safari hat. ALPHA MALE and OUTSIDE MALE are absent. SECOND BANANA and ADOLESCENT MALE are sparing in a jocular fashion. They are posturing and aware some of the females are watching. ALPHA FEMALE is grooming ADOLESENT FEMALE by picking lice off her back and sticking them in her mouth. OUTSIDE FEMALE is trying to entice SUBORDINATE FEMALE into eating termites with her off a stick. Though the SUBORDINATE FEMALE is unsure of the OUTSIDE FEMALE, she is very fond of termites. The FIELD SCIENTIST is standing off to one side, speaking in a deep soothing voice.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
As you can see, the chimpanzees are very much like their homo sapien cousins. Sharing ninety-seven percent of our genetic makeup, they are the animals most closely related to us. Over here, one can observe two of the subordinate males defining their status in this culture.
(SECOND BANANA cuffs ADOLESCENT MALE in a particularly hard-fought round.)
The adolescent male shows great courage in attacking a more worthy opponent. The subordinate male is second only to the alpha male in strength and agility, and the adolescent male is no match.
(ADOLESCENT MALE scampers to ALPHA FEMALE for protection. The SECOND BANANA circles the stage area screaming in victory.)
Chimpanzee dominance is defined by their actions; the victor takes a lap around the encampment area, while the weaker of the two returns to his mother for sympathy. It is often difficult for the lowest ranking male to move up in any environment, and this one is certainly no different.
(ALPHA FEMALE pushes the ADOLESCENT MALE away. He moves away to sulk in a corner by himself.)
The alpha female realizes that, at a certain age, it is unwise for her only male child to be seen running to his mother for support. He must learn to face life and challenges on his own.
(ADOLESCENT MALE simpers.)
In short, he must learn to take it like a man.
(SECOND BANANA stands and pounds his chest victorious over his weaker opponent.)
SECOND BANANA
Hell, yeah!
FIELD SCIENTIST
Even in the animal kingdom, showboating can become excessive.
SECOND BANANA
Who’s the man?
FIELD SCIENTIST
At times, much to the chagrin of the others.
SECOND BANANA
Who’s the man?
(ALPHA FEMALE comes up behind the SECOND BANANA and bops him on the head. The SECOND BANANA turns to retaliate, but the ALPHA FEMALE strikes a motherly pose and begins to tap her foot at him. SECOND BANANA thinks better of his attack and slowly moves away from the ALPHA FEMALE, glancing sullenly back at her. SECOND BANANA then screeches at her and moves quickly to another area of the stage.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
In a small percentage of chimpanzee cultures, the groups are run by both an alpha male and an alpha female. Unlike their more aggressive counterparts who are ruled primarily by alpha males, these groups tend to be more accepting of outsiders and less cannibalistic than their male-dominant cousins.
(ADOLESCENT MALE approaches the ADOLESCENT FEMALE and begins to show an animal interest in her.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
As in most societies, the males are more interested in mating than the females.
(ADOLESCENT FEMALE attempts to shrug off the advances of the ADOLESCENT MALE.)
In mating rituals, females only wish to mate with the highest-ranking males, and those males like to mate with as many females as they can. As in many societies, this ensures that the strongest genetic seeds are planted, so their dominant traits will continue to thrive.
(ADOLESCENT MALE attempts to hump the ADOLESCENT FEMALE and is immediately attacked by the SECOND BANANA. After successfully chasing away the ADOLESCENT MALE, the SECOND BANANA begins to show an animal interest in the ADOLESCENT FEMALE.)
The females, by instinct, shy away from lesser males, hoping for the best. They try to avoid contact with all others beneath their social class, much like many women in society today. This trend is seen by the time females reach adolescence and begin to take on certain roles within their class system.
ADOLESCENT FEMALE
(Cheerleader like)
Yea, Team!
FIELD SCIENTIST
The males’ libidos are in turn more concerned about mating than dating. Being from a highly evolved species, the athletes have a number of tactics to get the adolescent females to consent to their mating rituals.
SECOND BANANA
But if you love me, you need to show me you love me.
FIELD SCIENTIST
A great number of tactics.
SECOND BANANA
My mom is dying of cancer right now. I just need to feel safe. You want me to feel safe don’t you?
FIELD SCIENTIST
But sometimes, not always the brightest tactics.
SECOND BANANA
(Indicating.)
But if I don’t use it, it will fall off.
(ADOLESCENT FEMALE attempts to scurry away, but SECOND BANANA gives chase.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
Some tactics, however, always work.
(SECOND BANANA grabs her and begins to hump her. ADOLESCENT FEMALE tries to get away. SECOND BANANA traps her and begins to alternately fondle himself and grab at her.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
It is possible that, in the attempt to deny the lesser male’s advances, the adolescent female’s rejection will only lead to a forceful reminder of a female’s place in society.
(JANE takes aim with her dart gun, and the FIELD SCIENTIST grabs the nose of the weapon and points it in the air.)
Of course, we know there is no rape in the animal kingdom.
(ADOLESCENT FEMALE screams.)
And these creatures don’t have feelings the way you or I do.
(ADOLESCENT FEMALE cries out. JANE stalks off to her clipboard where she furiously begins to write notes.)
Though it may be painful to watch, I assure you, these are merely animals, and in no way are they in any danger.
(JANE snorts her disapproval.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
These are the rules of their society. The subordinate male is attempting to ensure that his genetic offspring will continue on. This is important to him, since he thinks so highly of his genetic material.
(OUTSIDE MALE enters and distracts the group. All characters stop what they are doing and begin to form a perimeter around the OUTSIDE MALE, moving in closer at times to get a better look or to show their dominance. ALPHA MALE begins to rise.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
Now this is a fascinating turn of events. We don’t often get to see this. When an outside male comes in contact with a pre-existing chimpanzee group, any number of things can happen. Let’s watch closely as the events unfold.
(The ALPHA MALE, now clear-headed, moves in and immediately takes charge. He is wearing a necklace that befits his position as alpha male. The FIELD SCIENTIST indicates the situation to JANE, who moves in as well, careful to avoid the other characters.)
As we can see, the alpha male has just returned to find the newcomer in his presence. Indeed, if this were completely an alpha male-driven society, no doubt the outside male chimpanzee would be killed outright and eaten for his succulent meat. Look at the alpha male immediately take charge of the situation. This is one of the attributes that separate the alpha male from the lesser males.
(The ALPHA MALE attacks the OUTSIDE MALE, toying with him. The OUTSIDE MALE cowers.)
In chimpanzee societies, which are controlled by both alpha males and alpha females, the group has a tendency to be more tolerant of outsiders. Unfortunately for the outside male, that does not necessarily ensure his survival at this critical juncture. These animals are still very wary of those trying to encroach on their pack.
(The other characters move off from their tight perimeter, except for the ALPHA FEMALE, to give the ALPHA MALE room to investigate. The SECOND BANANA is the last to leave, giving the OUTSIDE MALE a parting shot as he crosses the stage.)
Actually, an interesting note on this particular group is that they have already accepted an outside female. If you look past the others, she is the one always more separate from the group. Still, it is not the same as taking in a male outsider.
(The OUTSIDE MALE cowers.)
The outside male must be very desperate and hungry to attempt to enter this pack. No doubt, there is some reason why he was forced out or lost from his previous pack. The alpha male has a lot to consider here. He must consider not only the well being of his pack, but also consider whether or not he wants to be responsible for another adult male individual.
(The ALPHA MALE circles the OUTSIDE MALE, who has taken a submissive posture.)
It’s very important at this juncture for the outside male to show his submissiveness to the alpha male here. He’s certainly not small for a chimpanzee, and he’s trying to make himself appear even smaller and less of a threat to increase his chance for survival and his admission into the new group.
(The SECOND BANANA moves in too close to the perimeter laid out by the ALPHA MALE.)
Oop. The subordinate male is encroaching a little too much on the alpha male’s investigative territory.
(The ALPHA MALE responds in a dominant manner, but the SECOND BANANA is slow to retreat.)
The subordinate male gets the warning from the alpha male to move off, and he does, but he’s responding really slowly here. It’s not a good tactic for the subordinate male. The alpha male isn’t going to appreciate that.
(The ALPHA MALE cuffs him and sends him rolling.)
The subordinate male is going to try to cry foul here, and you can tell he wants to come up swinging.
(The SECOND BANANA pulls out a penalty flag and throws it to the ground. He jumps up and down, pointing to the flag.)
The penalty flag really not going to do him any good here. It’s considered fair play in the society where he is always relegated to second banana. Remember, the alpha male is an alpha male for a reason. This could be a really dumb play here on the part of the subordinate male.
(The SECOND BANANA stands upright in a threatening manner. The ALPHA MALE
stands to his full height. SECOND BANANA thinks better of it and crosses away. The ADOLESCENT MALE points and laughs.)
Probably wise for him to back off at this moment. Not a good time to challenge the alpha male with an outsider present.
(The SECOND BANANA cuffs the ADOLESCENT MALE as he passes by him. The ADOLESCENT MALE crosses to the penalty flag and picks it up, shaking it in the SECOND BANANA’s face.)
You’d think the adolescent male would have learned from his experience, but he’s really not that bright.
(SECOND BANANA takes the flag from the ADOLESCENT MALE and shoves it in the ADOLESCENT MALE’s screaming mouth.)
The subordinate male isn’t going to let him get away with much right now; he’s got to save face from the ego bruising he just received from the alpha male.
(The ALPHA MALE moves over to the SECOND BANANA and the ADOLESCENT MALE to quiet them down, and the two of them scamper in opposite directions. The ALPHA MALE follows the ADOLESCENT MALE and pulls the flag out of his mouth.)
ALPHA MALE
Boy, what’s wrong with you?
(The ALPHA FEMALE moves in and begins to sniff the OUTSIDE MALE.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
It looks like the alpha female has begun to show an interest in the newcomer. This appears to soothe the sometimes-volatile alpha male.
(The ALPHA FEMALE begins to poke at the OUTSIDE MALE.)
She could be a real lifesaver here. With all the commotion, the alpha male is unlikely to accept the outside male unless the alpha female gives her approval.
(The ALPHA FEMALE begins to hump the OUTSIDE MALE.)
In the chimpanzee world, the alpha male and alpha female show their acceptance of an outsider by humping him. (Excited.) In human society, it’s something one might find at a swinger’s bar. These types of bars of course come in many varieties. My favorite is more of an upper class bump and grind.
(JANE clears her throat.)
But I digress…
ALPHA MALE
You like this one, ma?
(ALPHA FEMALE is still humping the OUTSIDE MALE.)
ALPHA FEMALE
He smells real nice, pa.
(They revert to their chimpanzee form and the ALPHA MALE moves in for a closer look at the OUTSIDE MALE, who remains perfectly docile. ALPHA MALE looks at ALPHA FEMALE, sighs, and quickly humps the OUTSIDE MALE and then moves off.)
FIELD SCIENTIST
Once the alpha male has accepted the outside male, he will now pretend not to notice him. The outside male has been established now as the lowest ranking adult male of the group. More than likely, the adolescent male will one day hold the preeminent position of becoming the alpha male of the group, since he is the first-born male offspring of the alpha male.
(ADOLESCENT MALE picks his butt and sniffs his finger.)
Well—maybe.
(ADOLESCENT MALE sticks his finger in his mouth. One by one, the individual chimpanzees approach the OUTSIDE MALE.)
All the chimpanzees move in for a closer look, barring the alpha male and alpha female, who have already granted their approval.
(The females move in first. The OUTSIDE FEMALE moves away first. The ALPHA MALE shows an interest in her.)
In the two years we’ve been studying this group the alpha male has always shown an affinity for the outside female over any other female of his group. Though none could deny him, he prefers a taste of foreign flesh. The alpha female, who is rightfully his mate, accepts his philandering, as it were. Of course, in this society there is no true monogamy, so henceforth, there is no cause for her to be jealous.
