Sometimes You Gotta Pee

By Angela Gant and Jamie Hogue

I peed just a little… just now… when I saw you.  I hope you don’t mind… not the peeing I just wanted to talk to you… not about that… I just wanted to talk, you know?  So, I what I wanted to say was… I like you scarf.  Do you want to have dinner?  Oh, shit is that too forward?  I am so bad at this.  I read in this magazine article that if you have a really original thing to say to someone, or you instantly establish trust when you first meet someone that… well you could have something to tell your kids about later.  Not that I want kids.  I mean, I guess I’m not opposed to kids, really.  I really don’t know how you feel about kids, but I’m really cool either way.  I just talked about kids didn’t I?  Ohhh, that’s so taboo until like months of dating.  I mean, we’re not really dating, so I guess its okay that I brought up kids.

This isn’t going how at all how I planned.  I didn’t really know how I wanted it to go… I didn’t really plan it or anything… I just… I am so sorry… I don’t know what I meant…  I really do like your scarf, though.  Is that something you get from a store, or did you make it?  Not that I’m saying you’re a nancy boy or anything.  I mean, your mom could have made it for you.  You’re not a mama’s boy are you?  Of course you’re not a mama’s boy, though I always end up attracted to those types.  You know what I’m saying?  You know those guys.  Wow, this is going very bad isn’t it?  Maybe I should just go… see this, this is why I’m leaving the dating world.  And I don’t like your scarf!